Things I've learned from Grand Theft Auto IV

1. Stepping one foot across a police roadblock is a much more heinous crime than stealing cars, running over old ladies, or blowing up a cop car full of officers with a rocket launcher.

2. Television in Liberty City is a lot better than real television. There are two complete TV networks in the game, which both have hours of content. So far I've watched a poker tournament, an Adult Swim-esque cartoon, and a talk show with a 'roided-out host (featuring the voices of Opie & Anthony staffers).

3. Rastafari dialect is incredibly hard to understand, even with subtitles on. Fortunately, my character is as clueless about it as I am, so at least we're on the same level of comprehension.

4. Don't ever, EVER listen to SomethingAwful goons in a multiplayer game. While playing Cops and Robbers online, I was on the criminal team. We got to the escape helicopter, and I climbed into the pilot seat. As I took us up to about a thousand feet, I mentioned that I didn't really know how to fly a chopper. One of my teammates said "Just hit Y". I hit Y. My character climbed out of the helicopter and fell a thousand feet to his death. We all laughed our asses off -- lesson learned.